Why Feeling safe is more important than solving Problems
Am I safe? Am I loved? — These are the things our nervous system is constantly scanning for.
Not much matters to our brains if we are not safe (and for humans, a social species who rely on cooperation to survive + thrive, being loved IS a marker of safety)
Most of us perfectionists + people pleasers have developed these habits because, on a fundamental level, we don’t feel loved. This leaves us in a chronic state of stress, in which we search + strive + tweak + adjust + push, all in an effort to become lovable so that we can feel safe.
But the catch is that, in doing so, we treat ourselves as a problem to solve — ‘If I could just ____ better, then maybe…’ — which then reinforces the message that we are not loved / lovable, and therefore not safe.
If this sounds like you, I invite you to stop striving + problem solving for awhile. Look for evidence that you are lovable + loved. Allow your nervous system to register that it is safe.
This frees up your brain for curiosity, play + creative thinking, which are essential to high-level problem solving.