The addictive cycle of perfectionism
Pleasing + impressing everyone is an unrealistic standard. Defining our own success by anyone else’s standards is unhelpful.
If we strive for unrealistic + unhelpful standards, we will inevitably fail or burn out. And if we believe that we failed, not because our standards were unrealistic, but because we weren’t perfect enough; we become even more invested in our efforts to be ‘good enough’ and do everything ‘just right’.
This is a compounding, self-destructive cycle. We can’t keep it going forever.
In Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown writes, “It may seem counterintuitive, but one of the biggest barriers to working toward mastery is perfectionism…. Achieving mastery requires curiosity and viewing mistakes and failures as opportunities for learning. Perfectionism kills curiosity by telling us that we have to know everything or we risk looking ‘less than.’ Perfectionism tells us that our mistakes and failures are personal defects, so we either avoid trying new things, or we barely recover every time we inevitably fall short.”
If you’re feeling exhausted trying to do everything and be everything to everyone,
If striving + striving just isn’t working out for you…
Try not-striving.
Consider the possibility that you are not defined by what you accomplish and how well you accomplish it.
Give yourself unconditional permission to be exactly as you are and feel exactly how you feel. Listen to your body. Rest when you feel tired. Give your nervous system the opportunity to let its guard down, so you can experience the curiosity required to *actually* grow.