Building shame resilience
Yesterday, I woke up to a bunch of comments on a reel I posted recently. Some were appreciative of the insights I shared; some were mean remarks about my appearance, or calling me a ‘snowflake’.
I share my thoughts on the internet with the hopes that someone will find value in what I have to offer, and I achieved that with this post! As evidenced by the appreciative comments.
Yet my nervous system, whose job it is to keep me safe, was way more concerned with the negative ones. Even though I don’t know these people, didn’t make content for them, nor does their opinion have any real bearing on my life — it felt shitty!
A past, less resilient, more shame-prone version of me might have clapped back defensively, or decided that sharing my thoughts on the internet wasn’t worth it. Whether I could admit it or not, I know a part of me would have internalized their opinions and believed there really was something wrong with me.
But I’ve since decided not to let experiences like this stop me from being who I know I am, and doing what I know I need to do. I’ve decided that my opinion of myself matters much more to me than anybody else’s does, and I set boundaries to protect it — like deleting comments and blocking people who don’t regard me with respect + kindness.
Even getting to this point has required a lot of nervous system regulation, and speaking kindly to myself even when it hasn’t felt ‘natural’ or easy. It’s been difficult, but incredibly rewarding work.
If you’re ready to begin building up your shame resilience and living more authentically, I invite you to download my workbook! It has somatic tools that will regulate your nervous system so you can become more resilient to the opinions of others; plus journal prompts, affirmations, and exercises that will help you change your thoughts and break out of shame-avoidant habits. I want to see the gorgeous fucking glow you bring to the world when you stop dimming your light to please others!