‘Nice’ is not the same as ‘kind’
It’s not nice to pretend. And it’s not mean to say ‘no’.
You may have gotten the message growing up that being nice is more important than being kind. You may have been taught to save face and to avoid disappointment or hurt feelings at all costs.
Caring about someone else’s feelings is a wonderful thing. But when we do so at the expense of our own integrity, we are doing a disservice not only to ourselves but also to the person we’re trying to protect.
Imagine finding out your ‘friend’ has never really enjoyed your company — would that feel nice? I think the answer for most of us is ‘no’.
The people who are most worthy of your generosity + kindness, they want to know YOU — your truth! They want you to feel good + have your needs met, just as much as you want that for them! They don’t want you to sacrifice yourself until you’re burnt out + resentful. They don’t want to be constantly guessing about what your needs + limits are because you won’t communicate them.
Saying how you feel and what you need in a clear + considerate way is WAY more kind than being ‘nice’ to save face.