Values 101
a.k.a. The People-Pleaser’s Guide to What Really Matters
You’re doing all the “right” things — being nice, working hard, checking off to-do’s, keeping the peace — but something still feels… off.
You feel disconnected. Ungrounded. Like your life doesn’t quite fit — even when it looks fine on the outside.
That’s often a sign you’re living out of alignment with your values. Not because anything you’re doing is ‘wrong’, but because you’ve been so busy managing life you haven’t stopped to ask:
“What actually matters to me?”
“What do I want to build my life around?”
“What feels like truth in my bones — not just a performance?”
This article is not about living up to anybody else’s expectations. It’s about getting honest with yourself and reconnecting with what really matters to you — not ten years ago, not to your mom, not to your inner overachiever, but to the version of you who's finally ready to stop pretending and start living in alignment with your truth.
What are Values, exactly?
Values aren’t rules. They’re not goals. They’re not vibes you aspire to because they look good on paper.
Values are your internal compass. They help you decide what’s worth your time, your energy, your attention, your breath. They are what feels meaningful and important, even when it’s hard. They help you make decisions you can live with, even when they’re uncomfortable.
They’re also deeply personal. What feels like integrity for you might look selfish to someone else. What feels grounding to one person might feel suffocating to another.
That’s why this isn’t about picking words from a list — it’s about listening to your gut when something feels off, and learning how to name it.
How to Recognize Your Values in Real Life
You don’t have to “decide” your values. They’re already there — wired into your body, your gut, your grief, your joy.
Here are a few ways to spot them:
🧠 Notice what lights you up
Think of a moment when you felt proud, energized, or deeply you.
What were you doing?
Who were you with?
What did it reflect about who you are?That moment points to something you value.
💔 Notice what breaks your heart
The things that sting often reveal what matters most.
Think of a time you felt disappointed, betrayed, or resentful — especially when no one else seemed bothered.Ask yourself: What value was being stepped on or ignored?
🚩 Notice your strong reactions
When you feel deeply inspired or deeply irritated by something, you’re probably brushing up against a core value.
Strong feelings = strong signals. Even if you don’t have the words for it yet.
📝 Not sure? Let this list jog your memory.
Here’s a list of common values people identify with — not to “pick the right ones,” but to help you notice what resonates.
Don’t just pick what sounds good. Notice what makes your body say “YES” (Or… what makes it flinch — that might be a clue too 😜)
Okay, I Think I Know What Matters… Now What?
Knowing your values is only the beginning. The next step is learning how to use them. Not as rules, but as anchors.
Here’s how to start working with them:
🧭 Use your values as a decision filter
When you’re faced with a choice, ask:
Which option moves me closer to what matters?
Which one would feel most aligned — even if it’s uncomfortable?
What would someone who values [X] choose in this situation?You don’t have to get it perfect.
You just want to start making decisions that feel more like you.
📣 Let them guide how you speak + show up
If you value honesty… are you being honest?
If you value compassion… are you extending it to yourself, too?
If you value freedom… where are you still clinging to control?Your values aren’t just what you say — they’re what you embody.
🧘♀️ Use them as a self-regulation tool
When you feel stuck, chaotic, or ungrounded, reconnect with what actually matters to you.
Ask: “If I lived like this value was true, what would I do next?”
It’s not about forcing yourself into action — it’s about finding your internal compass again when you feel lost.
💡Pro Tip:
You don’t have to live every moment perfectly aligned with your values. That’s not integrity — that’s obsession.
Living in integrity with your values isn’t about being perfectly consistent. It’s about being self-aware enough to notice when you’re off course, and compassionate enough to steer yourself back.
You’re allowed to change. You’re allowed to evolve. And you don’t owe anyone a performance. This is about living a life that you’re proud of.
Want more ways to live in integrity?
I’ve got a whole library of mind-body magic waiting for you✨