Uncle Jen’s Hierarchy of Needs
a.k.a What Your Nervous System Actually Gives a Shit About
Most people have seen some version of Maslow’s pyramid — that classic triangle of needs, with basic survival at the bottom and self-actualization at the top.
But let’s be real: Most people skip the bottom. And then wonder why they’re spiraling, burnt out, anxious, and low-key rage crying over Instagram reels.
We’ve been taught to aim for the top — growth, success, healing, purpose — without any real support for the stuff that makes that possible.
This is Uncle Jen’s version of the pyramid: A nervous system-informed, no-bullshit, irreverently compassionate guide to what actually helps you feel regulated, resourced, and ready for change.
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to stop expecting yourself to function at level 10 when you’re stuck at level 2 with no snacks and a full bladder.
This is not a strict step-by-step. Healing isn’t linear. Growth isn’t predictable. But your body does have priorities — and they’re usually way more basic than you think.
So let’s start at the bottom. And build you a foundation that doesn’t collapse the second you try to dream big.
🧡 Foundation: Keep The Meat Suit Alive
a.k.a. Physiological Needs + Baseline Safety
This is the tier most people try to skip. But if your body doesn’t believe you’re safe and resourced enough to survive today, it is not going to give a flying fuck about healing, growth, or “alignment.”
What your meat suit needs to function:
Oxygen (when was the last time you took a good breath?)
Water + Minerals (beer doesn’t count)
Food that actually fuels you (read: protein)
Sleep/rest/safe-enough place to crash
Shelter that feels good enough to down-regulate
An environment that is not too hot or cold
Access to medical care + medications
Feeling physically safe in your body + environment
Signs this tier needs attention:
Everything feels like an emergency
You’re living in survival mode: reactive, numb, or hypervigilant
You can’t think clearly, rest deeply, or connect with others
Your body’s yelling (fatigue, pain, GI symptoms, tight chest, etc.)
You can’t build nervous system capacity on top of starvation, exhaustion, or threat. So before you throw yourself into shadow work, emotional reparenting, or entrepreneurship… 🛑 Check in with your meat suit.
Are you fed? Are you warm? Are you safe enough to be present today?
💛 Tier 2: Find Stability
a.k.a The Nervous System’s Favorite Love Language
Once you’re fed, hydrated, and aren’t constantly hustling for basic safety… your system starts asking: “Can we reliably have our needs met? Are we safe enough to relax and focus on something other than survival?”
This isn’t about crushing routines or rigid self-discipline. It’s about repeatable rhythms — the kind your body can rely on.
What gives our system a sense of stability:
Routines + rhythms (even soft ones)
Predictability and structure
Body literacy: noticing hunger, energy shifts, pain, emotion
Sensory regulation (light, noise, texture, etc.)
Rest that actually counts
Autonomy (choice, agency, being able to say no)
Signs this tier needs love:
Time feels like a blur or a pressure cooker
You start projects, but can’t follow through
You feel “off” but don’t know why
Constant “I just need to get my shit together” thoughts
You can’t tell when you’re tired until you crash
This tier is what establishes your window of tolerance. This is where your nervous system starts to exhale. You’re no longer just surviving — you’re creating a life your body can actually settle into.
💚 Tier 3: Connection + Support
a.k.a. What Your Human Nervous System was Built For
We are herd animals. Pack members. Social mammals who regulate in relationship. So even if you're more of a ‘lone wolf’ type, you still need people. Safe ones. The right ones.
What our social nervous system thrives on:
Genuine connection (not performance-based “being liked”)
Co-regulation — nervous systems syncing through touch, tone, or presence
Support you can receive without shame, debt, or reciprocity pressure
Community, chosen family, group belonging
Boundaries that protect, not isolate
Repair after rupture — not ghosting or guilt-tripping
Signs this tier is shaky:
You feel invisible or like a constant burden
You can’t ask for help, or hate yourself when you do
You don’t know who feels safe to be vulnerable with
You second-guess yourself constantly around other people
You either trauma dump to anyone who will listen or withdraw completely
The body can’t soften into curiosity, creativity, or change
if it’s stuck in hypervigilance about being rejected or misunderstood.
This tier is about learning to be seen, without shapeshifting. Letting yourself need people, without believing it makes you weak or annoying. Letting yourself receive support, without feeling guilty.
Because the nervous system grows best in the presence of a compassionate witness.
🩵 Tier 4: Self-Trust + Integration
a.k.a. Having Your Own Back No Matter What
This is the tier where the noise quiets. You’re not constantly questioning every decision. You’re not living from reflex, reaction, or fawning.
You’ve felt your own edges. You’ve practiced your own voice. You’ve learned when to pause… and when to move.
What builds integrity + self-trust:
Self-awareness without self-judgment
Making choices that feel true, even when they’re hard
Recognizing your own patterns — and shifting them with care
Letting rest be real, not earned
Trusting your own read on people, places, and pacing
Having your own back — especially when others don’t
Signs this tier is developing:
You stop outsourcing your worth to other people’s opinions
You catch your people-pleasing before it hijacks you
You recognize your needs without apology
You feel less torn between “what I should do” and “what I actually want”
Your no’s get cleaner. Your yes’s get braver.
This is where your nervous system stops waiting to be rescued, and starts learning to feel safe inside your own integrity.
It doesn’t mean you never spiral. It means you trust yourself to come back.
💜 Top Tier: Growth + Expansion
a.k.a. The Part Most People Try to Skip Ahead To
This is the shiny shit… The transformation. The reinvention. The wild dreams and deep dives. But here’s the thing no one tells you: Expansion without regulation just feels like threat.
If your system isn’t grounded, resourced, and integrated? Growth will feel like chaos, not evolution.
What grounded, sustainable growth looks like:
Taking aligned risks (not panic moves)
Deep embodiment practices
Eustress: cold plunges, public speaking, travel, etc. — in the right window
Play, sensuality, creativity, pleasure
Spiritual exploration, ritual, identity shifts
Dreaming bigger — without detaching from your needs
Signs you’re ready to expand:
Challenges feel exciting, not just terrifying
Your “next level” goals don’t feel like self-abandonment
You’re willing to try new things and recover if they flop
You’re not chasing growth to escape where you are
You feel pulled by desire, not pushed by shame
You don’t need to ‘earn’ this tier. But you do need a foundation solid enough to hold it.
This is where you stretch. Experiment. Fuck around and find out. Not because you’re fixing yourself — but because your nervous system finally trusts you enough to grow.
💡 Pro Tip:
Use it like a self check-in. When you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or like you’re failing at life — don’t reach for discipline. Reach for the pyramid.
Scan the tiers like a body check:
“Am I fed?
Have I slept?
Do I feel safe?
Do I have rhythm?
Am I supported?
Do I trust myself right now?”
If not? That’s your answer. The work isn’t pushing harder. It’s starting lower.
You can’t think your way up the pyramid. You have to build your way up — one nervous-system-approved layer at a time.
Want more self-care wisdom?
I’ve got a whole library of mind-body magic waiting for you✨