Why slowing down is actually faster than rushing
In the end the 🐢 beats the 🐇 — remember that!
P.S. the worbook is called Unleash Your Inner Dragon, and its for people pleasers + perfectionists who are ready to stop burning themselves out, start reclaiming their power, and re-wire their habits to better reflect their needs + values. Click the button below for more info!
5 signs of burnout
⚡️ Signs of Burnout ⚡️
Heightened use of alcohol, 420, caffeine, junk food, screen time, etc.
Feeling exhausted when you try to do anything, but restless when you try to sleep or relax
Lack of interest, motivation, or satisfaction in doing things you once enjoyed
Dominated by negative thoughts + emotions — irritable, pessimistic, cynical, victim mentality, shame + blame game
Physical symptoms — skin breakouts, cold sores, gastrointestinal issues, more prone to catching a virus or infection
When I’m feeling this way, that’s a sign my nervous system needs to be tended to! It’s time to get back to basics —
💦 hydration
🍗 nutrition
😴 sleep hygiene
🚶 gentle movement
✍🏽 journaling
🧘 nervous system exercises to release stress, integrate difficult emotions, and build up my resources / resilience
The tricky part, if you’re burnt out due to people pleasing or perfectionism, is that you might not know how to carve out that time for rest + self-care in the first place! You might be struggling with a habitual impulse to overcommit, a a fear of letting people down, or a harsh inner critic who doesn’t give you a break.
If that sounds familiar, then my workbook was made just for you! It has journal prompts, meditations, and somatic exercises that will help you start feeling better ASAP; plus a whole-ass habit change framework so you can learn how to stop repeating the burnout cycle for good. You can complete it in 4-weeks, but it has enough informational ‘meat’ (😅) to feed your soul for years — and it costs less than a meal out at a restaurant! Click the button below for details 💗
Urgent message for burnt out perfectionists!
Besides taking the pressure off — which is necessary for the nervous system to come out of fight/flight/freeze …
There is so much beauty + purpose to be derived from the practice of giving yourself unconditional permission to be exactly as you are, to feel exactly how you feel, and to need exactly what you need.
There is great self-worth + pride to be found in the practice of witnessing yourself exactly as you are through a loving + respectful lens.
There is great courage + strength + resilience in the practice of advocating for yourself + protecting your softness in an overwhelmingly aggressive world.
There is great freedom when you have the audacity to reject societal standards and do shit YOUR way from a place of integrity.
THAT is dragon energy 🐉 and I want all the exhausted, tender-hearted, generous + hardworking baddies in my world to know what it feels like.
If that’s you, please do yourself a favor and check out my workbook! It walks you through the process of understanding what you TRULY need, regaining your energy, and rewiring your habits so you stop over-extending yourself 💗
10 signs you’re a people pleaser
Are you a people pleaser?
When someone asks you for a favor — no matter how exhausted you are or how overwhelming your to-do list is — you still feel obligated to say ‘yes’
…or maybe you want to say ‘no’, but you feel guilty about it.
…or you don’t know how to say it without coming off like a selfish, lazy a**hole.
…or you feel the need to justify your ‘no’, so you overexplain yourself, or conjure up a good-enough excuse
This mental gymnastics goes on for almost every decision in your life, and it’s exhausting. You’re tired of being tired.
You really want to take time out for rest and just enjoying life, but you feel beholden to the needs + expectations of others.
The thought of letting someone down feels too painful, so you soldier on until you are depressed, sick, or in pain.
You avoid having difficult conversations or letting someone know they’ve crossed a line because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
You feel resentful because people aren’t as considerate of you as you are of them.
You spend so much time focusing on how others perceive you, you don’t know how to just be yourself.
If this sounds familiar, you should definitely check out my workbook! Because you don’t want to waste another month of your life burning yourself out to make life easier for others, do you?! Nah, you wanna spend the next 4-weeks learning how to honor your feelings + needs so you can fill your cup before pouring from it! You’ll still be the same generous, kind-hearted person by the end — just with better boundaries and more inner peace 💗 Click the button below for info!
The first step to overcome Crippling Perfectionism
If you’re ready to …
🧠 understand the hidden motivations behind your perfectionism
💗 embrace your inherent self-worth
✨ feel courageous enough to risk fucking up and pursue your dreams
…I invite you to check out my workbook for recovering perfectionists! It walks you step-by-step through the process of re-wiring your brain so you can stop hustling to please + impress others and start living in a way that better honors your needs + values. Click the button below for more info!
Feelings and needs
Everything you do is an attempt to meet a need. When our needs are being met, it feels good. When they're not, our body uses emotions to motivate us to fulfill the need.
No matter how inconceivable it may be, there is always a positive intention behind every 'negative' emotion, 'bad' habit and coping mechanism you have. You are not broken -- your brain is working exactly as it should, doing the best it can with the knowledge + resources it has to meet your needs and feel good.
If you’re behaving in a way that’s not working for you or that you want to change, stop beating yourself up for a minute and get curious about what that behavior might be trying to accomplish… What needs is it trying to meet? How do you want to feel?
Feelings wheel
Needs wheel
These Feelings + Needs Wheels are included in the workbook I created for recovering people pleasers + perfectionists, along with 4 weeks worth of journal prompts, activities, guided meditations, and somatic exercises.
If you’re ready to understand the hidden motivations behind your habits + coping mechanisms, offer yourself more grace + respect, and re-wire your brain to better honor your feelings + needs, I I invite you check it out!
16 Examples of perfectionism
What does it mean to be a perfectionist? Here are some examples of how it might show up in your life:
Health Perfectionism
Hyper-fixation on eating the ‘right’ foods
Over-exercising or refusing to rest when you’re injured, tired, menstruating, etc.
Constant impulse to tweak, fix, or improve your health
Moral perfectionism
Hyper-fixation on being a good person
Constant worry that you’re doing something ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’
Extreme guilt or shame when you make a mistake or do something wrong (even unknowingly)
Relational perfectionism
Prioritizing others’ needs to the detriment of your own
Extreme discomfort / avoidance around difficult conversations or asking for help
Masking your true self to fit in and please others
Work perfectionism
Anxiety around taking sick or vacation time (even when you really need it)
Extreme discomfort receiving criticism (even when delivered kindly + constructively)
Inability to fully acknowledge your assets + strengths
Avoiding anything you think you might be bad at (or anything less than excellent)
Spiritual Perfectionism
Constantly feeling like you’re not doing enough in your spiritual practice
Unrealistic standards for your connection with God / Spirit
Anxiety that God / Spirit / your guides are disappointed with you
Is this you? 🙋 I’ve experienced all of these at some point! Still do occasionally, but it’s gotten a lot better since learning to be kinder to myself.
Wanting to be a good person, wanting to be understood and treated kindly by others… that’s all super normal. But all this pressure + criticism you’re putting on yourself, hustling to live up to other people’s / society’s standards… it’s not helping you feel the sense of satisfaction + accomplishment + peace you so deeply crave.
The tricky part is, it’s not always easy or effective to simply think nicer thoughts when your inner perfectionist is just trying to protect you and help you get your needs met! That’s why I created a workbook for recovering people pleasers + perfectionists.
It lays out a step-by-step process you can follow to re-wire your brain out of your perfectionist habits. With $20, 4 weeks, and a healthy dose of courage you could:
💗 see yourself in a new light
💗 think kinder thoughts
💗 learn somatic tools that help you create change on a physiological level
💗 feel more ease, flow, peace, and satisfaction in your daily life
💗 behave in ways that are more congruent with who you want to be and the life you want to lead!
Click the button below because I want to see the ✨magic✨ that happens when you stop constipating your creativity with perfectionist pressure!
What feelings are you using to motivate yourself?
It’s usually true that finding those deeper, more honest, more hopeful sources of motivation is not the easy route. It’s not usually the quickest path to externally-visible success that gets you validation from others.
But it’s the more sustainable path.
It’s the more joyful one.
It’s the one with more integrity.
It’s the one that brings true fulfillment.
So I hope you’ll pay attention to how you speak to yourself and what emotions you leverage to motivate yourself.
I hope you’ll have the courage to go deeper, and the strength to prioritize your own self-respect over external validation.
And, if you don’t know where to start, I invite you to check out my workbook! Inside, I show you step-by-step exactly how to:
✨ get clear about your needs + values
✨ build up your confidence + self-worth
✨ fiercely protect your time, energy + peace
✨ redirect any unhelpful patterns you want to change WITHOUT using fear + anger to motivate yourself
✨ somatically integrate the new habits you want to create so they actually stick
Stop ‘should’-ing yourself
Shifting out of emotional survival mode requires that we feel safe + resourced enough to let go of our old coping mechanisms.
That takes more time and practice than you think. Your mind will understand it before your body is ready. You will think you’ve learned what you need led to learn to be successful before you actually have. You will probably get frustrated with yourself, or worry that you’re taking too long, or wondering why you haven’t gotten it ‘right’ yet…
You’re NOT taking too long.
You WILL figure out exactly what you need to, when you need to — destiny cannot be rushed.
In the meantime, give yourself grace, and perhaps some appreciation for all the hard work you’re putting in — it’s incredible 💜
Your environment matters
Transitions are hard, so please take all the time + space you need to heal. Create the most restorative sanctuary possible for yourself.
Retreat, if you need to. Be with people who can lift you up, or be alone.
Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you to need to live with them or be around them all the time. We love better when our needs are met. It’s easier to to hear our inner wisdom when we don’t have someone else’s needs + opinions in our ear.
‘Nice’ is not the same as ‘kind’
It’s not nice to pretend. And it’s not mean to say ‘no’.
You may have gotten the message growing up that being nice is more important than being kind. You may have been taught to save face and to avoid disappointment or hurt feelings at all costs.
Caring about someone else’s feelings is a wonderful thing. But when we do so at the expense of our own integrity, we are doing a disservice not only to ourselves but also to the person we’re trying to protect.
Imagine finding out your ‘friend’ has never really enjoyed your company — would that feel nice? I think the answer for most of us is ‘no’.
The people who are most worthy of your generosity + kindness, they want to know YOU — your truth! They want you to feel good + have your needs met, just as much as you want that for them! They don’t want you to sacrifice yourself until you’re burnt out + resentful. They don’t want to be constantly guessing about what your needs + limits are because you won’t communicate them.
Saying how you feel and what you need in a clear + considerate way is WAY more kind than being ‘nice’ to save face.
Building shame resilience
Yesterday, I woke up to a bunch of comments on a reel I posted recently. Some were appreciative of the insights I shared; some were mean remarks about my appearance, or calling me a ‘snowflake’.
I share my thoughts on the internet with the hopes that someone will find value in what I have to offer, and I achieved that with this post! As evidenced by the appreciative comments.
Yet my nervous system, whose job it is to keep me safe, was way more concerned with the negative ones. Even though I don’t know these people, didn’t make content for them, nor does their opinion have any real bearing on my life — it felt shitty!
A past, less resilient, more shame-prone version of me might have clapped back defensively, or decided that sharing my thoughts on the internet wasn’t worth it. Whether I could admit it or not, I know a part of me would have internalized their opinions and believed there really was something wrong with me.
But I’ve since decided not to let experiences like this stop me from being who I know I am, and doing what I know I need to do. I’ve decided that my opinion of myself matters much more to me than anybody else’s does, and I set boundaries to protect it — like deleting comments and blocking people who don’t regard me with respect + kindness.
Even getting to this point has required a lot of nervous system regulation, and speaking kindly to myself even when it hasn’t felt ‘natural’ or easy. It’s been difficult, but incredibly rewarding work.
If you’re ready to begin building up your shame resilience and living more authentically, I invite you to download my workbook! It has somatic tools that will regulate your nervous system so you can become more resilient to the opinions of others; plus journal prompts, affirmations, and exercises that will help you change your thoughts and break out of shame-avoidant habits. I want to see the gorgeous fucking glow you bring to the world when you stop dimming your light to please others!
7 ways to show yourself love
Yesterday I shared 5 ways to get to know yourself. Getting to know yourself is the first step in cultivating a meaningful + loving relationship with yourself; but the magic doesn’t stop there!
Maya Angelou said “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
Your feelings signal needs that want to be met. Now that you have gotten to know your feelings + needs better, you have the power to do something about it! What kind of love is your body, mind, + soul craving? What would feel joyful + satisfying? How can you give that to yourself?
If we are used to codependent relationships, we might feel powerless to meet our own needs. We might feel like we’re waiting for someone else to show up and do it for us.
While it’s true that humans need other humans to thrive, I think it’s especially important for those of us recovering from codependency to explore ways of meeting our own emotional needs that we may have been overlooking.
Not only does this practice feel powerful + healing on its own, but your relationships with others will also be more balanced + clear when you know what you need and how to fulfill it.
If you’re ready to start cultivating more self-love, I highly recommend checking out my workbook! It takes you step-by-step through 4 weeks of journal prompts, affirmations, and somatic exercises to help you break up with your old people pleasing, perfectionist patterns for good and start living more authentically. You deserve to bask in your own love + admiration!
5 ways to get to know yourself
Being seen + known is something we all deeply crave + need. It is fundamental to being loved + accepted for who we truly are.
In an ideal world, we all would have grown up feeling seen, known + unconditionally loved by the people closest to us. But, unfortunately, that isn’t the case and many of us did not learn how to lovingly know ourselves, or have even became chronically numb + dissociated as a result of adverse experiences.
In any case, going beneath the surface and getting to know your truest thoughts, feelings + needs is the first and most important step in creating a meaningful + supportive relationship with yourself.
It is an ongoing process, no matter how ‘healed’ you are. Every day there is something new to know about ourselves and what is going on in us right now… something to understand more deeply, something to accept + integrate, something to love more fully.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into the process of self-discovery, I invite you to check out my self-guided coaching workbook! It has 4 weeks of journal prompts, guided meditations, and somatic exercises that will help you understand the hidden motivations behind your people pleasing + perfectionist habits and re-wire your brain so you can live more congruently with your needs + values. You deserve to be seen + known, at that starts with YOU!
Invest your emotional energy wisely
People pleasers are typically very empathic, generous people. But, without strong boundaries, we can easily be manipulated by those who feel entitled to our emotional labor.
Emotional labor can be:
paying attention
learning
self-regulating
validating + empathizing
communicating non-violently
These things require significant energy. Like money or physical energy, emotional energy is not something we can expend endlessly. It takes time + effort + resources to recuperate. If we overextend ourself, there are consequences.
And so, just like you don’t owe it to just anybody to help them move or pay for their bills, you don’t owe them your emotional + energetic participation either.
You may *want* to invest your energy in those ways; but generally only for certain people — for relationships that feel rewarding. To quote Dr. Joe Dispenza, “Giving should feel like receiving, when it’s done in love.”
So, you don’t have to be open to advice from people who you didn’t ask. You don’t have accept criticism from people who don’t regard you with respect. You don’t have to engage with people who can’t communicate or express love in the ways that you are able to receive.
Your emotional energy is yours to spend — invest wisely.
self-love is a gift
Putting your own needs first and taking care of yourself is not exclusively selfish.
You — a kind, generous + caring person — can give more wholeheartedly and care more deeply when you’re not burnt out.
You — someone who does not want to manipulate others — can be clearer about what you really want + need in your relationships when you’re not unconsciously trying to coerce others into making you feel good + valid + worthy because that’s the only way you know how.
You — someone who loves hard + big — can expand your capacity to love others by learning how to love yourself bigger + harder.
Your self love is a gift to all your relationships, and the real ones will see that and appreciate it 💜
Ready to get started on your self-love journey? Download my workbook! It guides you step-by-step through a 4-week process of getting to know yourself better, cultivating profound + unconditional self-love, and living in congruence with your needs + values. Click the button below, because I want to see the gorgeous f*cking glow you bring to the world when you stop dimming your light to please others!
Centering exercise for body, mind, and spirit
Take a few minutes to try this centering exercise ⚖️
I learned this when I was training at the Rolf Institute — this is how we started each day! It’s a great way to calm the mind and get present.
grace through growth
Would it be ideal for us all to use flawlessly clear non-violent communication every time we need to express a need, boundary, or request? Probably.
Is that always possible? Hell no!
You may not know yet exactly how to say what you feel + need. You may not know exactly how to handle a difficult situation. Emotions may be running high.
That’s okay.
You can try to speak your mind — it’s okay if it’s clumsy.
You can just leave or hang up — it’s okay if it’s awkward.
There will come a time when protecting yourself is worth the risk of being embarrassed, judged or misunderstood.
Movement is medicine
This is how I’m coping with a bad brain day today. Movement is medicine 💖
A message for ‘gifted kids’
Calling all my fellow millennials who were considered ‘gifted’ as a kid… How’s trying to live up to your potential going?!
Consider this a loving reminder that your worthiness is not tied to your achievements.
It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to be ordinary. It’s okay to not be okay.
You are good and valid and worthy of love, regardless of how ‘productive’ or ‘successful’ you are in the eyes of another.
You are free to create your own measuring stick for success, based on your needs + values 💜
And I show you how in Unleash Your Inner Dragon: A Workbook for Recovering People Pleasers + Perfectionists! It lays out a step-by-step process you can follow to build up your self-confidence and live in accordance with your values over anybody else’s.
Check it out, because life is too short to live in service of someone else’s dreams, goals, and ideals. You deserve to feel alive + free!